Wednesday, November 3, 2010


There are two years of my life that I have no memories of. I can remember some things from as far back as Kindergarden up until 2nd grade... then the next thing I remember is 5th grade. There are some days when I think about this, and I wonder if something happened to me during those two years and it was so bad that I blocked it out. Other times I think, maybe there was nothing eventful that happened in my life, and that's why I don't remember it.

A part of me thinks that I was molested or something. I'm scared to try and find out. They say, what you don't know wont hurt you, but I think in some cases, what you don't know can scar you for life. My earliest memory of being depressed, or just feeling sad was in the fifth grade. I remember standing up agains a wall and being hit by a ball, and the thought coming in my head that everyone thinks I'm crying because I'm hurt, but it's really because I just feel so sad. I remember in either 5th or 6th grade, some boys sitting in the back of the room and talking to each other saying how they want to put their "thing" in me. I told the teacher, and that's about all I remember.

I think it's time I try and recover those lost memories. You can't get on with the future if you're not over the past.